How to become the Main Character of a Romance Novel


So, a while ago, I did this post I called How to Survive a Horror Novel. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I got this brilliant idea about how what if I did the same thing, except it’s how to be the main character of a YA romance novel?

And, naturally, I couldn’t wait until valentine’s day to write it, so here it is.


  • It helps if you have interesting colored eyes. Look in the mirror: can you describe your eyes as “velvety”, “ocean-like”, or “deep and soulful?” It also helps if your eyes could be described like food: “Chocolate”, “toffee”, “caramel”, and “truffle” are just a few ways.
  • When talking, hide your sadness under a deep layer of jokes and snark. Be sarcastic all the time. Always. Even when asked a serious question.
  • Do a sport, like football. Soccer or baseball will work in a pinch, but football is the best. Wear your team jersey every chance you get, and invite your crush to your every game. Snarkily.
  • Always offer your coat/gloves to your crush, even if you have your own. Even if it’s not cold out.
  • Stand out broodily in the rain. Whenever possible. Perhaps under your love interest’s window while you beg her to come and talk to you.


  • Crash into your love interest whenever possible. And always make sure your or she is carrying something; groceries, books, mail. Offer to help her pick everything up while apologizing.
  • Always slow dance. Even without a dance floor. Proper invitation is, “hello, miss (her last name here), can I have this dance?” Bonus points if you say something sarcastic during the dance. No music is required.



  • Have long, slightly wavy hair, that “cascades down your shoulders”.  It helps if you have red hair, or “raven black” hair, or “chocolate brown” hair. Any other color? Forget it.
  • Don’t care about makeup. Ever. And don’t care about how you look, unlike the “shallow, popular” girls. Only care about it when you go on a date with your love interest.


  • Don’t have any scars; acne scars, the scars on your knees from all those times you fell off a bike as a kid, the one on your finger from where you cut yourself and needed stitches: get rid of them ALL. Only keep the scars that have really good, interesting stories behind them.
  • Never have fallen in love before your meet this love interest. Never have kissed anyone before, not done anything else. BE COMPLETELY, UTTERLY NEW TO ROMANCE when you meet your soulmate. Because that’s how it works in real life, clearly.
  • Constantly have to be rescued; cross the streets without looking. Jog RIGHT NEXT to that gigantic gully in the pitch black in the rain so you slip and fall. Be attacked by the neighbor’s dog. Never do anything that could be considered “safe”
  • Get trapped somewhere tight with your love interest; a closet, perhaps, or an elevator works well. Bonus points if you’re claustrophobic and he needs to comfort you, or vis versa!


Ta da! You now know everything you need to know, and are ready to enter your own romance novel.

Happy Sunday,


19 thoughts on “How to become the Main Character of a Romance Novel

    1. It seems like two people who like each other will get stuck in a small, tight space in a lot of books. And there will be kissing. A lot of it. Which doesn’t really make sense, because if they have claustrophobia they would be having panic attacks, not thinking about “how strong” the male LI’s arms feel around them.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This was hilarious and perfect to read! It’s a little sad to think that we always fall for the same tropes, but you were right about all of them. I have to say that I loved your use of Teen Wolf gifs though!


      1. That’s so cool! I was clueless most of the time. We were all thinking, is he a Phoenix? A dragon? A Jinn? All sorts of weird stuff was thrown around, my mind didn’t even go near Hellhound.


    1. Yes, exactly. You’re extremely gorgeous, with huge eyes, a small build (but still big breasts/hips), and basically everything about you is amazingly pretty. But no, you’re UGLY, and you HATE how you look. That one tiny zit makes you look DISGUSTING and HIDEOUS.

      Liked by 1 person

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