How to Solve a Mystery: A Practical Guide

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I continue my “practical guide” series by telling you how to solve a mystery! I’ve got mysteries on the brain; this is my second year attending Langley’s Mystery Weekend (please don’t look up my posts about it from last year. I beg you). It’s actually rather funny, because everyone in Langley DESPISES the rabbits. The only reason some mass extermination hasn’t taken place yet is because the tourists think they’re cute.

Anyways.

How to solve a mystery!

  • Live in some teeny-tiny town with woods completely surrounding it where nothing bad EVER happens and maybe lots and lots of cornfields.
  • Have your parent/older sibling/uncle be the chief of police.
  • Be the hometown of some kind of super genius who’s known for being reclusive and naturally becomes the main suspect in the murder because they never talk to anyone. Go and talk to them in jail and find out they really are as smart as everyone says.

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  • Have the murder be in the middle of a field with freshly fallen white snow, now smeared in the blood of the innocent victim that everyone adored. Have crowds of weeping people watching the police work. Have your chief of police parent/sibling/uncle let you and your friend inspect the crime scene.
  • Find some clue that the trained police missed, but you, a random sixteen year old, didn’t. ‘
  • Have the victim be this perfect, gentle girl who volunteered twice a week at the food bank and played with dogs at the animal shelter every weekend. You visit her parents and ask questions. Her mom is in tears. Her dad gets mad at you and yells at you to get out of his house.
  • Get too involved in the case. Get threatening note from the killer/a finger in a plastic bag. The note tells you strictly not to go to the police or your best friend/boy or girlfriend/sweet younger sibling/parent/dog will be murdered.
  • Go to the police anyways. The police find some special clue in the note. Get excited because you have a new lead.
  • Get kidnapped because you have this new lead.

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  • When the car trunk is opened you, a teenager, somehow manages to overpower the hired thugs who are not wearing mask. While you’re fighting/fleeing for your life, memorize the faces of the thugs.Get the thugs arrested.
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  • When the thugs are arrested, find out that your best friend (who has been mysterious missing for the past couple of days) is in the hospital in a coma/dead after being  beaten by the murderer.
  • The thugs confess in a strange twisted way. You manage to pick apart the riddle and discover who it is. The murderer is (gasp!) the teacher/old lady/librarian/local celebrity everyone loves. In anger go to the murderer’s house to avenge your best friend.
  • Have a fierce fight with the murderer with a kitchen knife/glass vase/broom handle/metal thing. Break something. Nearly get killed by the murderer before the police storm in and arrest them.The murderer screams about how they deserved it/swears vengance on you and your family.
  • Spend a day in the hospital. Have your police chief parent/sibling/uncle comfort you while you cry, despite you having put on a brave face to everyone else. Get a huge amount of money.

There you go! You have solved a mystery.

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11 thoughts on “How to Solve a Mystery: A Practical Guide

  1. *dies* (Not due to any vital information I have while being a secondary character, but due to the absolute, masterful hilarity of this post.) I grew up on crime, mystery and thrillers, and this post is basically my first 10 years of reading summed up. ❤ I can't stop laughing.

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    1. It’s funny how it’s the secondary characters who get shot on sight, yet it’s the MC (AKA main crime solver) who always manages to get through the book with a broken arm and a concussion at worst. Odd how that works.

      Like

    1. Teen Wolf. Long story short, the kid was bitten by a werewolf to save his life and the werewolf in question panicked. And I think it’s just someone pulling the shower curtain back.

      Like

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