books · Uncategorized

How to Become a YA Heroine: A Practical Guide

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For those of you that may not know, every couple of months I post a “practical guide” on how to do something, as if you’re in the world’s most cliched YA novel. My last post in the series was How to Solve a Mystery: A Practical Guide, and the series shall be continued with How to Become a YA Heroine: A Practical Guide.

Warning: Extreme Sarcasm Ahead.

  • Constantly describe yourself as plain looking and not pretty despite having; long, flowing dark brown hair, large eyes in an unusual, striking color, a petite build, delicate features, a perfectly flat stomach despite the fact you never work out.
  • If someone tries to insist that you are, in fact, pretty (or even supermodel gorgeous), ignore them because they most be lying.
  • Never wear makeup. Why? Because all the popular, “shallow” girls girls wear makeup and you are not like them because you are not like other girls.

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  • Only wear jeans, tennis shoes, and t-shirts because no other girls wear anything like that outfit. All other girls are always dressed like they’re about to go to a formal dinner.
  • Even if you’re dealing with horrible things in your life, such as someone close to you dying, a kidnapping, having cancer, or something equally horrible, fall in love. Because naturally that’s all you’re thinking about. Finding your soulmate.
  • Find your soulmate. Even though you’ve never dated anyone else and you’re only sixteen.
  • Be allowed to go out and stay out all night every night. Because such a thing as curfew doesn’t exist.
  • Have a totally normal name spelled completely differently and uniquely. Example: Abigail +Aheladhl
  • Have a perfect grade point average despite the fact that you never study. Ever. Or pay attention in class. Or go to class.

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  • Even though he has the blonde, popular, mean girl as a girlfriend, make the most popular jock in school fall in love with you.
  • And although you’re emotionless everywhere else, become overemotional and weepy every time you’re around him.
  • Never get your period or have to go to the bathroom. That sort of thing is for other, lesser girls.

Happy Sunday,

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8 thoughts on “How to Become a YA Heroine: A Practical Guide

  1. XD This is hilarious! But sooo true. But if a girl is worried about being typed as “shallow’ so she doesn’t wear make-up or dress nice. Then WHY doesn’t she study or show up to class. Or, or, uh. . . what does she do with her time? Oh, right. Finding her soulmate at sixteen. That’s not shallow at all. And that last one. XD Loved this!

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    1. YES. Like, okay, I get not wanting to be seen as shallow. But wanting to wear makeup and dresses doesn’t mean you’re shallow, just as long as that’s not the only thing you care about.

      Like

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