For those of you that may not know, every couple of months I post a “practical guide” on how to do something, as if you’re in the world’s most cliched YA novel. My last post in the series was How to Solve a Mystery: A Practical Guide, and the series shall be continued with How to Become a YA Heroine: A Practical Guide.
Warning: Extreme Sarcasm Ahead.
- Constantly describe yourself as plain looking and not pretty despite having; long, flowing dark brown hair, large eyes in an unusual, striking color, a petite build, delicate features, a perfectly flat stomach despite the fact you never work out.
- If someone tries to insist that you are, in fact, pretty (or even supermodel gorgeous), ignore them because they most be lying.
- Never wear makeup. Why? Because all the popular, “shallow” girls girls wear makeup and you are not like them because you are not like other girls.
- Only wear jeans, tennis shoes, and t-shirts because no other girls wear anything like that outfit. All other girls are always dressed like they’re about to go to a formal dinner.
- Even if you’re dealing with horrible things in your life, such as someone close to you dying, a kidnapping, having cancer, or something equally horrible, fall in love. Because naturally that’s all you’re thinking about. Finding your soulmate.
- Find your soulmate. Even though you’ve never dated anyone else and you’re only sixteen.
- Be allowed to go out and stay out all night every night. Because such a thing as curfew doesn’t exist.
- Have a totally normal name spelled completely differently and uniquely. Example: Abigail +Aheladhl
- Have a perfect grade point average despite the fact that you never study. Ever. Or pay attention in class. Or go to class.
- Even though he has the blonde, popular, mean girl as a girlfriend, make the most popular jock in school fall in love with you.
- And although you’re emotionless everywhere else, become overemotional and weepy every time you’re around him.
- Never get your period or have to go to the bathroom. That sort of thing is for other, lesser girls.